"You should talk to..."

Last year, I was talking to someone about some career matters and decisions. The person, "wisely", suggested that I talk to someone else - to get more information and possible guidance.

When I finally met the person, we had a good conversation that resulted in an interesting discovery. The more we talked, the more obvious it became that the person needed me more than I did. Instead of pulling back, I switched gears to my purpose in life which is to help others be their best selves.

Over a couple months, when I could, I was available as a mentor and a life coach. It was amazing all that I learned from this experience. Summing it up, to empower another person, you need to care.





To empower another person, it is important to make a Connection.
Making a real connection starts from your inside out. Over the years, I've found that my heart, head and hands have to be connected and aligned when relating to others. And the more connected they are, the more mutually-beneficial those relationships have been.







For external connection to exist, one has to be Approachable. Synonyms include: frank, accessible, communicative and easy to talk to. To be effective, you need to be a friendly face who is available, ready and easy to talk to. There's no value in being available to talk to if you are not ready or easy to talk to etc.   

The connection and approachability need to be unpinned by the Real you. Another and more common synonym for "real" is "authenticity" and all about being yourself. I like the way Edwin Elliot put the importance of authenticity: "By being yourself, you put something wonderful in the world that was not there before." When you do that, you empower others to do the same. 








Leaders have been encouraged to develop Emotional Intelligence as a way to better connect with others. Whether or not you accept it, we are all first emotional beings before we are intellectual beings. It's just that some family upbringing and societal norms suppress our emotional side and highlight our intellectual side.  Everyone, not just leaders, has to be emotionally intelligence. It is amazing how you can show true are with it. 

Looking back, these 4 attributes helped me in relating with and empowering very many people.

If you or someone you know needs CARE or needs to develop CARE, contact me for coaching via LinkedIn or email - 1st ½ hour will be free...

Passion is not enough

...it must be supported by action.

This topic has been on my mind for several years and I've kept putting it off because I did not quite have the content. Now, I have more to say (and show) about this.

As you may know, I'm passionate about a lot of things. For instance, I really enjoy writing creatively and at my husband's instance - more like insistence, I started on and recently finished and published my first book: "101 Quips & Quotes…that will charge and change your life" 

In fact now, I even run Creative Writing Coaching Workshops.

Passion is a great starting point...not an ending point otherwise you will never fulfill your potential.

As we start the last quarter of this year, I encourage and actually challenge you to think deeply about what you're passionate about and then ask yourself, "What have I done/can I do about it?"

You can take action now to see your passion furthered and your potential fulfilled. 

If you need "help", take action, book one or more of our services by clicking here.

Eagle or

"Ego-ed"?

I've been wanting to write and publish this piece in my Pastoral* blog but the piece didn't flow until I heard the Lord say "This is a topic for your Professional blog" i.e. this one, not the Pastoral or Personal** one and then elements came together. So here we go...

Who wants change? Who would change?

A few weeks ago I saw this version of the story of Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody titled "Who wants change?*

Once there were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, Nobody who wanted change.

So, Everybody said "I want change".

Somebody said "If only Anybody would start to change, I will join."

But Nobody said "I will change."

Finally Everybody stayed same, blaming Somebody for waiting for Anybody to start changing. So, Nobody changed.

I smiled after reading it and then couldn't help but wonder "who" determines "who" changes - including why, when, and how. In fact, some of us want everyone around us to change or to do the heavy-lifting and make change easier for us.

Without a doubt, change is a constant thing in life and it's exciting when you have the right perspective about it. In fact, you can be the "Change Leader" - the one who sets the example for others to follow. As a Change Leader, you're more in control than when you just let change happen to you.

“Changes are inevitable and not always controllable. What can be controlled is how you manage, react to and work through the change process.”  ~ Kelly A. Morgan

The bottom line is that Change management is a key leadership skill best exemplified by how you embrace and manage your own change. 

Happy to have a chat with you if you want to discuss this further; book a time.

Reference:
* Who wants change?

C.U.P.- capacity

A few weeks ago, thinking about people who say that they are "calm under pressure", my attention was drawn to the first letter of each word...which spells "CUP".

We all know what a cup is. This knowledge led me to wonder what the overall CUP - capacity of those who are calm under pressure is.

Cups come in different sizes...and pressure comes with different levels of intensity hence your C.U.P. - capacity is a determinant for handling pressure successfully.

Here are 3 things I do to cope which have helped me increase my C.U.P. - capacity:

1. Consider what my options are and the possible outcomes would be. In other words, what would happen if I do nothing or do something? What if I do something which is not the right thing?
2. Open myself to understand the (potential) interests of and (possible) impact on the other people involved. Understanding these help me determine if I need to reach out to others for support or not. It also helps me assess my options.
3. Pace myself this includes my words and actions because pressure always passes. In pacing myself, I focus on distinguishing my emotions from the actual situation as there are times that our emotions exaggerate the impact of the situation.
4. Ensure that I maintain positive thoughts and do my best to arrive at a future-focused solution. It is important to focus on what will matter about the situation in 6 hours, 6 days, 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years or even 6 decades from today.

One thing to remember about your C.U.P.-capacity is that if you tip over, what's in you will spill out. So long before pressure comes is the time to build your C.U.P.-capacity.

I'd be interested in hearing how you manage your C.U.P. - capacity.

Interested?

A few months ago as we were preparing to head out for a morning walk, my husband started offering me a gadget to assist me. He then said, "If you are going to be doing this, you need to invest in some things." I fully agree(d) with him.

As we walked, the thought that crossed my mind was "Interest inspires investment!"

What's your balance?

We're now right into summer time...a time when some people slow down and when some don't.

The workplace is riddled with material and meetings about work-life balance.

Work-life balance means different things to different people. The important thing is that without life, you cannot work. So ensure that you take care to live* not just work.

*See post on "I live"

It's all up to you...

Over the years, and more recently when coaching my clients, I have heard people incessantly compare themselves to others - in various areas of life. Well, I have even caught myself doing that!

The point of life is that everyone has a unique "life-map", such that even identical twins cannot have identical lives. There is no basis for comparison. Comparison is a total waste of time because it makes you expend energy competing with others who are steadily improving themselves.

If you must compare yourself to and compete with anyone else, compare yourself to yourself - daily.

Who you are, or who you are not is all up to you. You have control over who you are and who you become. Look in the "mirror" and make the necessary adjustments to your attributes and attitudes.

Action attracts attention

It is easy to complain that nothing (good) comes your way - in your career and life. The question I have for such people is what are you doing? Of course it is easier to complain than to take action however complaining does not reduce or remove the "dis-ease" (or unease, if you prefer).

One good answer I have heard to that question is:
"I'm taking baby steps." Actually, it is a great answer because "baby steps" are steps. And every step is usually a set of "Specific Tasks Evidencing Progress" - and progress is what you need to move from where you are currently (that you don't want to and should not be) to where you should be (and want to be).

The other thing about taking baby steps is that it is always forward-focussed. No matter how many times a toddler falls, he/she gets up and keeps moving. I am yet to see the toddler that gives up on walking because he/she fell one too many times - and I'm sure I will never see any such toddler. Or have you?

The third thing is that "action attracts attention and assistance." When a toddler starts trying to and actually starts walking - baby steps - his/her parents (or grandparents and/or other caregivers) spring into action. They either take their baby-proofing to the next level and/or deliberately clear areas to make it easier and safer for the toddler to walk. You may have done this and/or noticed it. The toddler's action has attracted attention and assistance.

Similarly, when we spring into action to improve or change our circumstances rather than sit and moan about them, people around us pay attention and some step up to assist us (pun intended).

If you want others to step up to assist you, step out - even with baby steps because action attracts attention and assistance. If you feel stuck, take action and contact a coach it's an excellent baby step.

Learnings from my sunglasses...

A few months ago, as I put on one of my favourite sunglasses I smiled as I looked at the "screwstopper" on the left side.

Mum-powered

I'm Mum-powered!

My Mum (of blessed memory) always had something to counter every "I can't". Such that decades after I last heard her words, I'm very confident because my Mum said I could...

Today, I'm celebrating every Mother and Mother-figure. You are blessings to many of us on so many levels. Thank you for who you are and all you do.

"I live"...

...I mean "I leave."

Start!

Yes, just start!

This is something I have been struggling with for a few months - actually I'm sure it's been for a few years or maybe even more than a few. Well, in the last couple of months, I've heard people say:

"Start before you're ready."

In looking up the author of this quote, I found and really like how Marie Forleo put it:

"The key to success is to start before you're ready."

 It's one of the best pieces of advice I have heard in a long time...to access success you need to start.

We were raised in and are conditioned by the "Ready, Set, Go" mindset. When I say "start before you are ready", I'm not saying that you should start without any preparation - that would be really unwise and totally disrespectful to yourself and to others. What I'm saying that it (whatever you are starting) doesn't need to be perfect before you start. You can only improve on and perfect something that you have started i.e. tested. Agree?

Another aspect of starting is to start somewhere. "When you see yarn that is all tangled what do you do?" Do you ignore it hoping it will untangle itself or start somewhere to untangle it? Or do you insist on locating the "beginning" of the yarn? I don't think so. Like most of us, we'd either locate one end - any end - and start untangling from there or if it's too complex, simplify it by snipping it to create a new beginning otherwise no progress will be made. Likewise when you are starting something new, start small and start simple. You won't stay small because as you go on...you will grow.

Don't be fooled...

...any one who doesn't LEAD is not a leader

I have said it countless times that everyone is and can be a leader. You do not need to have a title to be a leader. With that as our backdrop, this post will focus on 4 ways I believe that leaders show up.

Live in and enjoy the moment:
Too many of us are rushing from one task to the other... Always moving quickly to the next thing. I agree that time does not wait for anyone however, enjoying the time you are in is what makes memories. How many times have you gone somewhere and when others are recounting the experience you wonder if you were even there with them? The common saying "stop and smell the roses" comes to mind. Leaders take charge. This includes knowing when and how to slow down to live in and enjoy the moment - and they encourage those around them to do the same.


Enable others to be their best:  The world has become more and more competitive. It has become so bad that in some situations people - including their managers/leaders - are actively putting others down in order to lift themselves up. As leaders, we must never look down on others except we are helping them up. One quote I live by is this one by James Keller...it's so true. Imagine a room full of lit candles.
The world is definitely a brighter and better place when more people shine...leaders light and help others shine bright.


Appreciate those around you: I know that this is not in some people's radar. Essentially their thoughts are: "Why do I need to appreciate you for doing what you are paid to?" or something like that? I know that there a number of people who are not into the "touchy-feely" stuff and that is partially okay. This quote articulates the way to get performance to the next level. Beyond that, truly and regularly appreciating those around you is the right thing to do as a leader. The way I see it, when you appreciate people for their value, they appreciate in value...to you and the organization and everyone wins.

Deliberately give the present of your presence: Competing and conflicting priorities are sometimes the order of the day, the week or even of the role. I have found that you cannot give your best self to a task if you are not fully present or engaged in it. As much as it may be encouraged and done, multitasking is very tasking. As leaders, it is important to pay full attention to the people around you. You cannot afford to be distracted when talking to people especially in a one-on-one meetings. With each person you interact/meet with, they need to feel that they are the most important person at that time. Give them the present of your undivided presence.

There are many other ways that leaders do/should show up. Real leaders - worth emulating - do not waste time fooling themselves or anyone else. They are authentic role models in many ways especially as they LEAD.

The Act...

...and art of leading

When this topic dropped in my heart, I took a few weeks to mull over it. As I started writing it up, it seemed best to first define these words:

Act: "take action; do something. (verb); a thing done; a deed (noun)."*

Art: "the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power."*

A lot has been writing about leadership and it is a very important topic in my mind and experience.

There's the ongoing debate on whether leaders are born or made. In my opinion, everyone is a leader - it has nothing to do with whether you have a formal title or not. Taking it a step further, each of us can (and should) develop our leadership skills to become better leaders - of our selves and/or of others.

The ACT of leadership highlights the importance of doing something - anything to become a better person - and/or to help others become better versions of themselves...doing nothing is not an option.

The ART of leadership speaks to the importance of creativity in leading others. I have found that the best leaders show how to develop themselves (by example) and let others participate in their self-development. It's all about creatively applying yourself and demonstrating emotional power and emotional intelligence that appreciates and is appreciated by those who interact with you/them. 

 
Personally, combining the act and art of leading has made me a successful leader in the different areas and aspects of my life. It's a fruitful and fulfilling leadership path.

It would be my privilege to serve you and chat some more if you (and/or someone you know) need coaching in this area. You can reach me by email or LinkedIn.



Reference:
* Google (emphasis mine)

Life happens - now what?

“Life happens” – that’s a phrase that I have heard so many times in the last 5 or so years and wonder why some people use it as an excuse not to step up and be more.

No one can control what happens to them in life. You can only control your response to what happened to you. You always have a choice to become better or bitter when “negative” things happen to you. The fact that someone else got the job or promotion that you had always wanted is not a reason to become bitter. It should motivate you to keep working towards your purpose in life which is bigger than one job.

Have you ever wondered why you are here – at this time? Why were you not born decades earlier or later? 

“The two most important days in your life are 

the day you are born and the day you find out why.” 

~ Mark Twain

Discovering why you were born requires a lot of digging and is hard work. For this valuable work to be rewarding and sustainable, you need to be committed to discovering your purpose and pursuing it with passion.  To do this, you need to ask yourself some necessary questions over and over again - and taking specific actions based on the answers will lead you to living a fulfilled life.

If you need help with discovering your "Why", contact me via email or LinkedIn.

Show yourself...

...some love

How are you showing up?

This question came to mind as I found the answer to the question: What or who is the source of your strength(s)? It could be a combination of people and situations. And it is important to realize that strengths exist for a reason.

Reverse Mentoring

One thing I have learned being a Leader that is that "The Leader does not know everything" - nor is she/he expected to. Now I know that in reality a lot of supervisors/managers were "promoted" into leadership positions because of their technical knowledge, skills and sometimes tenure in the organization - however that's not what will keep them successful.

Take a deep breath... I'm not saying that you should forget or unlearn what you already know - besides the fact that that's not really possible, they are part of your "foundation" so don't crack it.

All I'm saying is open yourself up to learn more - and new things. There is a sharp difference between Leaders and Managers/Supervisors - and many people including me*, have written about them.

One tip that I have employed which has helped me succeed is "Reverse Mentoring." Huh?! What's that?! Glad you had that reaction...it's exactly the same reaction a Senior Leader had when I shared with him that I was now in a new area and needed to learn a lot about. I proceeded to share with him that I had told my team members that I was new to the area and would expect "reverse mentoring." It sounded preposterous to him - his face said it all. "You mean you want your staff to "mentor" you?" He shook his head in disbelief so I proceeded to break it down for him. By the time I was done, he couldn't but agree that my idea was a good one. And if I may add, it was an idea that came from a place of humility.

So what is Reverse Mentoring? Simply put, it is learning from your team members - or others who may be surbordinate to or younger than you. The most successful leaders are those who know that life-long learning is key to progress (and promotion). They also know that if you manage your staff/team members well, they will manage the work - like one of my managers taught me a few years ago. So taking an interest in their work and understanding how and why they do what they do will increase your connection to them and your content.

"Learning and Leadership are indspensable from each other."  

~ John F. Kennedy

.

This is true; the minute a leader realizes then accepts this and has the humility to learn from others, whoever those others are, then he/she has set themselves up for success.

Enjoy the rest of the Mentoring Month!

References:
* Leader vs. Manager articles:
- Which are you?
 - I may not be what you're used to